The Worst Pizza Creation Ever

.tags Lately I have been getting inspired to share several of my cooking adventures, as well as new recipes, cooking hints and possibly even some videos, once reading Matt Preston’s book, Cravat-A-Licious. If you haven’t heard of Matt, he’s well known as the greatest food writer in the world. I’m not surewhether the book is accessible online so I don’t have any links I’m sorry, however I would highly recommend it as a great read if you love your food!

Pizza Experimentation Gone Horribly Wrong…

So I decided to start things off with a funny story of the most terrible pizza invention I’ve made so far…

It was a cold Winter evening in Melbourne at the Imperial Hotel on Bourke St. More common than not this venue was buzzing with diners, however on this particular night hardly a soul could be seen. I think we cooked something ridiculous like only about 6 meals for the evening, so the boredom led me towards experimentation.

You could be aware that recently I self-published a Pizzas And Parmas cookbook on Amazon, as I loved creating new toppings for both pizzas and chicken parmigianas, so on this night I decided to try combining my two loves in one meal.

I remember thinking about how it ought to work terrific, as the assorted parts of a traditional chicken parma, chicken, napolitana sauce, ham and cheese, would all quite effortlessly find a place on the pizza.

Boy, Was I Wrong!

Using ordinary chicken breast seemed too uncomplicated and boring, I wanted to know how an actual chicken schnitzel would go on my pizza. I had the pizza base made and ready to go, with sauce, cheese and ham on top, all that was left to do was deep fry the schnitzel, cut it into pieces and put it on top.

Any occasion I choose to test, it generally draws a few of the staff, who had been standing around bored, so I now had an audience waiting for the results. Funnily enough though no-one was brave enough to test the first piece, so I took one and had a mouthful.

My initial reaction was that it was alright, just a bit leathery, so this encouraged one or two others to pick up a piece and taste it. By the time I was prepared to swallow though, it just didn’t seem to sit right with me in my mouth. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was not right, so an extra mouthful was required to confirm my thoughts.

I don’t think I even managed to swallow this mouthful, and looking around to see the looks on the faces of the others that had tasted it made us soon decide that this pizza was only fit for the rubbish.

The Moral Of The Story…

I’ve had deep fried chips and gravy on a pizza, which turned out terrific, but my new rule of thumb is that deep frying meat and putting it on pizza will only leave you with horrible results. I believe it may have something to do with effectively cooking it twice at high temperature, giving you a ‘tough as leather’ pizza.

Sadly, (or thankfully, depending on your point of view) there is no photographic evidence, as the pizza went into the rubbish pretty quickly. We still had some time on our hands on this boring night however, so we washed down the terrible taste with some deep-fried Mars Bars. I’ll save that story for next time…